Chaos at Cluck Daddy’s: Man Booted in the Butt by Employee, Offered Discount and Ointment by Sympathetic Manager

A routine lunch run turned into a spicy disaster for local man Earl Pickens, 37, after he was allegedly kicked squarely in the Ass by an employee at Cluck Daddy’s Famous Chicken Shack.

Witnesses say Earl had just finished ordering a “Mega Zesty Bucket” with extra slaw when a verbal exchange with a cashier named “Tyrone” escalated from “mildly saucy” to “extra crispy.”

“I didn’t even cuss,” said Earl, seated gingerly on a donut pillow at home. “I just asked if the coleslaw was fresh. Next thing I know, whap! He hoofed me right in the back porch.”

The Aftermath Was Tender

Paramedics were called to the scene, where Earl was found complaining of what he described as a “deeply personal stinging sensation.” He was later diagnosed at Napkin Ridge Urgent Care with minor soft tissue trauma and a moderately swollen anus, now being treated with a soothing topical ointment and a prescribed diet of only soft foods and forgiveness.

The employee was immediately placed on suspension pending an investigation. “We take butt-kicking very seriously,” said Cluck Daddy’s regional manager, Ronny Grieves, who described the incident as “unfortunate, uncalled for, and honestly, not on the training manual.”

A Manager Who Cares

In a heartfelt gesture of corporate accountability, Grieves offered Earl a 50% discount on his next 3-piece combo and personally offered to apply the ointment himself, should Earl require assistance.

“He’s a real stand-up guy,” Earl said of Ronny. “I politely declined the rubbing offer, but I appreciate the sentiment. You don’t see that kind of hospitality much these days—especially from someone in a polo shirt with a chicken on it.”

Grieves told reporters, “At Cluck Daddy’s, we don’t just serve food—we serve dignity. Well, most days.”

Locals React

Reactions in the community have been mixed. Some are calling for stricter hiring practices, while others are demanding a re-enactment video on TikTok. “It’s not every day someone gets booted in the biscuit basket over coleslaw,” said longtime customer Myrtle Davis. “But I’ll still eat there. Their gravy is divine.”

Earl on the Mend

As for Earl, he’s recovering well. “The swelling’s going down,” he confirmed. “My butt looks less like a tomato and more like a gently bruised peach now.”

He plans to return to Cluck Daddy’s—eventually—but only for takeout. “I’m not risking a round two,” he said. “Next time, I’m just gonna keep my slaw opinions to myself.”